I woke up this morning with my patients in my heart who are in the process of moving towards their freedom. So many women are leaving dysfunctional relationships right now. The state of the world is amplifying our need to transform and align with our essence.
The majority are leaving their relationships with narcissists. It seems that narcissism is more prevalent now than ever before in the world, and speaking from personal experience, adapting to a narcissist moves us further and further away from our Authentic Self.
When we are adapting to abusive behaviors towards us, be it family of origin, marriage, job or any other relationship with the narcissistic pattern, we are living from a ‘survival’ mode. This is a vibrationally a lower level than what our Authentic Self resonates with. Our goal of getting through another day intact while being abused, replaces our ability to live from our heart. FEAR replaces LOVE. In fact we shut down parts of our heart to protect it from being shredded. When we do this, we lose access to its fullness for ourselves and others. In fact, we normalize abuse and become trapped our adaptations over time. We constantly second guess ourselves and our self worth, self esteem and self concept become eroded. In fact the measure of our worth becomes the voice of the narcissist who makes us believe we are not worthy and fills us with shame to be who we really are.
This moves us further away from alignment from Self as time passes. But, in time, and with the precision of Divine timing, we reach a tipping point where we are no longer able to live this way without getting sick at many levels.
This is the power of midlife. The Soul begins to rise up through the parting of the hormones (that define midlife), and calls us back in to Herself.
I know how this feels.
It is as if our heart calls us back in to Self-love.
This is pure GRACE.
This process unwinds and unpacks all the contaminating messages from the narcissist’s mouth that reside in our own psyche like a Predator, that we mistake as ‘our’ voice. All the ways the narcissist has treated us in degrading, disrespecting, dehumanizing and demoralizing us that have taken residence in our psyche, (that we believe are what we deserve), have to be transformed. They take over and contaminate our relationship with ourselves.
It is no surprise that this is occurring en masse during this Coronavirus pandemic. The Coronavirus behaves similarly. It takes over our cells to make more of itself, like a narcissist. It is a perfect metaphorical/symbolic match — a narcissistic virus. So of course, this is being amplified in our life stories as well.
So many women are leaving their relationships with narcissists right now as we have reached a tipping point where our true essence is needed in the world and any obstacle to its expression needs to be released. I call this the ‘decontamination of our relationship with the Authentic Self’.
The new world cannot emerge without our pure alignment with our heart. The transformation of our world needs our uncontaminated purity. This can only happen when we transform the predatory, shaming voices in our psyche. It is impossible to do while in relationship to the narcissist.
So here we are, being purified by fire, where relationships that interfere with our essential Self are leaving. We must trust in this difficult process and release them. Find women (and men)who have gone before you to assist. You do not have to do this alone, in fact you can’t and you mustn’t. The terrain is rife with illusion and confusion.
Sometimes when I wonder why I went through the hell I did, practically crawling on my knees (for years) from pain, out of the multiple levels of abuse I received for decades, I clearly see it in hindsight. I am so grateful for the grace and wisdom that surrounded me through this excruciating time, even when I did not recognize it as grace.
I learned about struggle and suffering and especially how to suffer with meaning. These are not lessons we can learn from a book or from graduate school. Life itself is our greatest teacher and when we transform out of hell, we can help others do the same. Suffering with meaning helps us grow in wisdom, suffering without meaning leads us into neurosis.
In some strange way, I feel I went through my process more than a decade ago, precisely, to assist others during this time. My heart is so much less contaminated with adaptation than it was even a decade ago. I continue in therapy and continue to seek and transform. In fact, the process of transformation is more intense than ever as I am growing older and have less time to coast.
Those of us who have gone before and transformed out of narcissistic relationships have a sacred contract with those who are in the midst of their transformation. I see our role with them as a sacred contract. I take this contract to heart. My hand is held out for anyone who needs to hold it during their difficult journey towards freedom.
Access the courage in your heart. It is in there for you to align with, especially in the midst of your struggle. You will learn a lot about how strong you are when you do
We are in a sacred time and this is our sacred work.